I’m beyond stressed out.
You’ve made me fear success as much as failure, because opposite the fear of failure, is the fear of expectations.
People seem to either expect nothing at all or everything from me, as if average isn’t awful, but I’m definitely not doing well.
“You could do better.”
A quote I’ve heard from far too many teachers and have remembered for far too long, because I can’t get that out of my brain.
On the other hand,
those vocabulary terms I studied for hours trying to remember word for word, have no problem slipping from my mind.
If I don’t forget everything during the test, it won’t take long.
But don’t worry, I’ll always remember that I could have “done better.”
I lie awake at night retracing the problems in my head, thinking about how badly I don’t want to fail, because it seems that failing will make me a failure and that’s the last thing I want to be, right?
That’s what I’ve been taught, at least.
I don’t quite understand why I would be in the wrong for not willingly calculating numbers for at least a couple of hours a day, but I don’t need to know why, I just need to know that is how it is.
I’ve been taught that problems 1-35 on page 452 is more important than my mental health.
Students live in fear of struggling.
We feel like something is wrong with us, because we are stressed and we’re tired, but we know better than to show up to school without 1000 words on the function of the human liver.
I’ve decided that maybe I will need to understand the function of the human liver, or at least have a general understanding. But outside of school, when will I ever need to know the difference between meiosis in males and females.
I don’t need to know that,
but the worst part is that after hours of learning and studying the differences, I still don’t even remember them.
We are taught to memorize not to know.
What you shove in my face today, I will remember for now,
but the things I’m really taught will stay with me for much longer.
Your Average High School Student