But I Can’t

Drugs and alcohol
are a way to cope
with all my pain
But when I saw you last night
It felt like I never needed to destroy myself again
My heart beat faster than it normally does
when the THC pumps through my blood.
Watching you walk over to me
pulled words out of my mouth
resulting in slurred phrases
of me trying to introduce myself.
But I can’t.
Hi I’m
Hi my name is
Nothing came out
but sputters like my 1997 Honda Civic
trying to ignite itself
trying properly function
But I can’t.
I watch you grab a seat
and I tap my fingers on my phone
tap, tap, tap,
trying to distract myself
and hold myself back
from staring at you:
Your eyes
Your smile
Your lips
Oh, how I want to kiss your lips
and feel the electricity
But I can’t.
Your static shock belongs to someone else
You planted your seed
and a garden grew out of her
You say you want to be friends
and hang out again sometime
But I can’t.


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