Suit & Noose

I dreamt of you last night for the first time in a while.

It has taken me a bit to realize that it is hard to take good thoughts and you to reconcile.

To build a relationship that already exists, yet somehow I have suffocated purity with pain.

All I do now is complain about how I should have

Could have

Done something when you were here.

But I know well through and through that even if I knew all of this going into you,

I would not have done anything differently.

See, we treat people as disposable materials when we know in our heart that they cannot be recycled.

Or rebuilt once broken.

A token of love can’t be found if it is chucked into the Pacific.

Love is prolific. It is everywhere if you’ve got a keen eye.

But I just sit here and sigh about the days when I passed you by, biting my lip until it burst.

My subconscious still loves you, even though my conscious doesn’t know that and never has.

You come in the enemy’s place in my dreams.

A perpetrator of my screams.

Last night, you wore a noose around your Adam’s Apple like a necklace, threatening to leave my mind forever.

I said never.

You cannot leave something you have started and although we have parted,

You exist very lively in my brain.

It is driving me a little insane,

But things are better this way than not at all.

I’ll paint you as a villain in my stories, but also as a prince who comes out of the wreckage doused in glory.

No matter how close I come to accepting the fact that you are okay, there is always a part of me that wishes you were worse to me so that I might sleep easier.

I’d rather go to sleep and dream of real evil, that a constructed suit I’ve pinned on you.


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